A proprietor's concerns

As far as I understand, I am the only owner of this property in the UK and apparently in the whole world. (If someone who reads this owns the new model of Downton Manor, please please contact me). It is of course exciting, but the down side is that there is no one I can ask for advice. Not even the manufacturer because somebody else is assembling the model for them, but they haven't done it yet, therefore there are still, three months after I received the kit, no assembly instructions, and if something is profoundly wrong, which I every now and then suspect, nobody yet knows. Perhaps I should have... but it's pointless to speculate. Here I am, with a tremendously expensive toy that I so far don't quite know how to put together, and if there is another owner (please, please contact me!) we are making our mistakes on our own. The problem is, I don't even know if I am making mistakes. I don't even know whether I have all the parts I am supposed to have.

But I have invested so much in this property. Emotionally of course, all that time I was waiting, against hope, that it would eventually arrive, and now putting all my effort into it, neglecting all other projects for a long time to come. Intellectually, too, because there are so many decisions to make, so many problems to solve, so many ideas to test and dismiss. If I finish it at all some time - I estimate it will take at least a year - people might look at pictures, or the house itself, and say whatever people say in such cases ("Crazy old woman", "How nice", "Wow"), but nobody will know how much is behind the final outcome.

And I am not even mentioning the pecuniar investment. I keep track of all costs involved: paint, tools, spares. I got interior doors for my patience, otherwise they are extra. I didn't get interior doors for the basement so I will have to buy these. I got one double door that was supposed to be the main entrance door, but the package said "Interior door". I need two interior double doors so I tried to find them, first on ebay (no luck), then everywhere else (no luck). I asked the manufacturer who pointed me toward the only place in the UK who sells these door at outrageous price. Or maybe not outrageous. But while I can make all kinds of things from rubbish, I cannot make double doors, Or maybe I could. However, I ordered these doors, adding a substantial chunk to my building budget. it will be interesting to see how much the final project will have cost, again, given that I buy the absolute minimum.

Why am I doing it, you may ask? Sometimes I am asking myself. Initially I meant it to be my retirement project. I hope by the time I retire this project is finished, and then I will have to come up with something else.